Set Video Recorders On Stun

For the little more than three years that this website—of which I am the primary shareholder—has been in existence, we’ve pretty much tried to stay out of the political arena, avoiding the whole Red State, Blue State, liberal left, conservative right thing as much as possible. After reading this article, some of you may come to think that all of that neutrality has come to an end, and for that I apologize. For the rest of you who may not call yourselves “progressives,” think of this as a friendly warning.

Next Monday at 6:00 a.m. EDT (5:00 CDT, 4:00 MDT, and 3:00 PDT), MSNBC, the cable news network that just fired center-right, shock-talk-jock Don Imus for calling the Rutgers women’s basketball team—well, by now you must know what he said—will switch gears dramatically and broadcast self-described “left-wing-whack-job” comedian Stephanie Miller’s The Stephanie Miller Show.

Miller, the daughter of former Republican U.S. Representative William E. Miller, who was Barry Goldwater's running mate in the 1964 presidential election, was contacted last week by MSNBC General Manager Dan Abrams and asked to bring her show to the cable news network’s studios in Secaucus, New Jersey for a three day run.

Goldwater Miller 2008. C. C. Goldwater, granddaughter of presidential candidate Barry Goldwater and Stephanie Miller daughter of the senior Goldwater's running mate representative William E. Miller.

The problem is not that Miller and her show are decidedly liberal, which they are—she’s received death threats from conservatives, which she’s read on the air—or that she and the program aren’t funny—they are, extremely so. No, what is likely to cause the biggest stir in the highly agitated post-Imus cultural atmosphere is the very politically incorrect nature of the humor on the The Stephanie Miller Show, which has been known to cause both liberals and conservatives to slam on car brakes during morning commutes as they spew coffee out of their noses with laughter.

Referring to herself, voice actor Jim Ward, and on-air executive producer Chris Lavoie as “Momma and the Mooks,” Miller receives dozens of e-mails each week from both sides of the political spectrum complaining, seriously and facetiously, about her extreme lack of sensitivity to the dignity of everyone from Rush Limbaugh—whom Miller refers to as a “drug addled gas bag”—to hellish demons, who resent her comparing them to uber conservative writer Ann Coulter.

For his part, while still dismissive of Miller and her politics, Limbaugh has referred to the Los Angeles comedian turned shock-jock as a “babe.”

Miller’s three-hour show is divided into three one-hour segments: “Right-Wing World,” “Stand-Up News,” and “Tinsel-Talk.” Additionally, throughout the show, there is a seemingly endless stream of perverts and deviants from around the world, all named Squeezey, given to speaking in a series of hilariously, semioffensive, stereotypical burrs, brogues, drawls, and lisps between prolonged bouts of heavy breathing.

North Korean leader Kim Jong-il is a regular visitor to the The Stephanie Miller Show. Who knew the diminutive dictator was a fan of Hip-Hop? Kim, whose broken English is so choppy as to be barely understood by fans of the old Charlie Chan films, begins each of his messages to the free world with the phrase, “Kay to the Jay, to the I, L in the hizzy!”

Then there is the parade of fawning, lisping, limply lilting gay men, among them “The Fabulously Reverend Ted Haggard,” “Whites House News Correspondent Jeff Gannon,” and Fox News personality Bill O’Reilly’s personal slave boy, Geraldo Rivera, whose favorite safe word during his passionate S&M lovemaking sessions with the “Fair and Balanced” commentator is “Mizrahi.”

I have never been a fan of fart jokes in family-friendly or G-rated films. They’re cheap, easy laughs and all too often get in the way of whatever story they’re interrupting. Fart jokes do have their place in show business, however. That place is The Stephanie Miller Show, or as one of the show’s promotional drops says, “It’s like a Mensa meeting with fart jokes.”

Miller’s audience, which, according to Limbaugh, she does not have, is full of some very talented people with a great deal of time on their hands. Many have produced and submitted to her some very polished renditions of famous songs, complete with orchestrations, done in the wrong or just plain inappropriate style. One of the funniest of these is a full on rendition of Yankee Doodle Dandy performed by a chorus of exceedingly flatulent individuals.

To Steph or Not to Steph

Miller’s three-day stint at MSNBC—she flatly refuses to call it an audition—is in sharp contrast to the parade of conservative Imus stand-ins that have preceded and will follow her at the cable news network. This fact has not been lost on her audience, which is almost evenly divided between fans who have been begging her to clean up her act and not “embarrass progressives everywhere” and those who can’t wait to see her “regular” show in all its inappropriate glory on cable TV.

“You go girl!” they chant, mimicking one of the many audio drops used by Momma and her mooks throughout the show. “I can’t wait to see them lovely lady lumps,” said another caller referring to a clip from the Black Eyed Peas song My Humps regularly featured on Miller’s show.

Among some of the other regular features of The Stephanie Miller Show, her regular audience is looking forward to seeing, for the first time, are, as Ward and Lavoie call it, her fine ass and magic purple sweater, the later of which is supposed to magically make her lovely lady lumps look “extra, special good” on television.

The Mooks, Executive Producer of The Stephanie Miller Show, Chris Lavoie and Voice Deity Jim Ward.
All images copyright© The Stephanie Miller Show.

Then, there will be the highly anticipated meeting between Miller and the leading contender on her list of “future husbands.” Miller, who often refers to herself as an elderly, shut-in spinster who French kisses her many dogs and consumes wine by the box, has a rich fantasy life with a series of left-leaning progressive men, not the least of which is MSNBC commentator and host of the daily news program Countdown, Keith Olberman.

Although their two programs will be produced hours apart, Miller’s audience is positively moist with anticipation at the thought of Olberman making an unscheduled appearance on her show—an event that both Ward and Lavoie have said will no doubt immediately end MSNBC’s flirtation with progressive talk radio.

Will Mickey Be Watching?

Voice Deity Jim Ward—so called because “liberal stick-up-the-butt” listeners complained about the name Voice God—has a regular feature on the show called “Conspiracy Corner,” during which Ward shares many of the far left’s wildest theories about the Bush Administration. Ever since Imus’ firing, Miller’s fans have been giving Ward a run for his money, at least when it comes to her future and that of the show.

No sooner had the news of Imus’ termination at MSNBC been made public, than a series of semiauthentic sounding news stories began popping up around the “Internets” suggesting that MSNBC would soon announce that Imus’ morning time slot would be filled by The Stephanie Miller Show.

The fake press releases, many of which were quite tongue in cheek, were quickly attributed to fans of The Stephanie Miller Show. However, this discovery did not stop untold numbers of the show’s fans from e-mailing MSNBC suggesting that their favorite talk-jock and her mooks be given a spot on the cable news channel’s lineup.

Now fate seems to have stepped in again, and again Miller’s fans are all aglow with another tantalizing possibility.

The same day Miller announced she would be making her fans dream come true by taking her show to MSNBC for three days, Rosie O’Donnell announced that she would be leaving the ABC TV Daytime television program The View.

While speculation runs high as to what the real reasons for O’Donnell’s departure are, the media is equally obsessed with the question of who will replace her as The View’s primary moderator.

Fans of Stephanie Miller know who they’d like to see take Rosie’s place, and they haven’t wasted any time letting the world know. Once again, a series of faux news releases have hit the web suggesting that Barbara Walters, coproducer of The View, and the Walt Disney Company’s ABC Television Network are considering Miller for the job.

How is Miller reacting to all of this? Will she and her mooks back away from their usual 8th grade antics in an effort to go more mainstream?

Here’s a clue from her last show, prior to leaving Los Angeles for New Jersey. At the conclusion of “Stand-Up News” during hour two of Friday’s show, Miller said, “Oh, I’m saving this story for next Monday on MSNBC!”

“What’s that?” asked producer Lavoie, ever the straight man.

“Man needed surgery after sex with a hedgehog,” Miller replied.